1) One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees. ‘What are you doing?’ she asked.’I'm looking for my dollar bill,’ Max replied. ‘I lost it down the road.'’Why don’t you look for it there?'’Because the light’s better here!’
2) Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neigbourhood without moving.
3) Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back.
4) How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.
5) What's considered enough money? Just a little bit more.
6) I just went partners with my bank. They own half my car.
7) My sister fell in love at second sight. When she first met him she didn't know how rich he was.
8) A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying “A dollar per point.” The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.
9) A man went to his bank manager and said, 'I'd like to start a small business. How do I go about it?' 'Simple,' said the bank manager. 'Buy a big one and wait.'
10) - Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them?
- I did!
- Well, heres the elastic band.
11) At the scene of a bank raid the police officer came running up to his inspector and said, "He got away, sir!". The inspector was furious. "But I told you to put a man on all the exits!" he roared. "How could he have got away?" - "He left by one of the entrances, sir!"
12) - Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have?
- I would have five dollars...
- You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny...
- You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...
13) A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!
